Close your mouth, open your mind

TOBI or not TOBI

2004-08-03T23:49:00.000-07:00

TobI-IboT

"Behold, He comes with the clouds, and every eye will see Him, and those who pierced Him will see Him, and all the kindreds of the earth will wail because of Him. Even so, Amen. I am the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the Ending, says the Lord, who is and who was and who is to come, the Almighty."
(Rev 1:7-8)

We need to talk about God TobI

You talked to us about God once. You know where it is. We speak later today.
If you want to know when? Follow God's word. For through me your days will be many, and years will be added to your life.

Amean.

For in that sleep of death what dreams may come...

2004-07-28T23:40:00.000-07:00

I don't suppose I have to say again what a pain it is to be here. It must be ten times worse for poor Virginia, who has done nothing to deserve all of this. I feel terrible that she is having to endure this with me, but she has reassured me several times that she would much rather be with me in this awful place, than me being here by myself. All of this mess because of that crazy woman who has now taken a notion to killing anyone who says the wrong thing to her. Where will she draw the line?

I found out today from FBOCA that one of the young ladies who worked with Ideltech was found by her husband. I can't imagine what she must've done to gather the wicked witch's attention, but apparently she did. Who else could've done something like they described? I try not to think about what she has in store for me, but I suppose that I can bear this room a little longer knowing that she will not get to have her way with me. I shudder to think of my dear Virginia having to find...ahh, no, I won't even utter it here.

Getting down to business, I'm still working on getting back to those who expect things of me and I do hope that they haven't lost faith in me. I have an idea that may get me back to our boards within 24 hours. That is, if these oafs will go along with it. I think I can convince them, but if not, I may still find a way around them. I do hope they are continuing without me for the moment. They know where the site is and they have good ideas as to how to continue our work. There is one thing I want to let them know (I hope they are reading this)...When I got here, on the door was that same creepy picture we had been discussing, and just above it was that name. I have to believe those are the two pieces of information that we need. Can we take it another step farther?

How Poor Are They That Have Not Patience

2004-07-27T12:04:00.000-07:00

I awoke this morning with a terrible headache. The weather has been hot, and there is no air condictioning here. I did not sleep very well because of it. It has been a harrowing few days, and it is only now that I am able to get back to here. The power is insecure, and even now, I write only by the blessing of a battery and a plug, and the glow of the screen is my only light.

I got into contact with fboca, and he suggested... nay, insisted... that I should be moved to somewhere safer. And so it was that Virginia and myself were moved to this place. This safehouse. Safe it may be, but it is also small, cramped, and filthy. I know I shouldn't complain, because it is indeed safe. But Virginia is very uncomfortable here, as am I. I can only hope that we can find some way to move again soon. Hopefully to somewhere that was made for two, rather than for one.

Things here are not at all secure. There is no way to get any messages out without leaving a trail that a blind man could follow. They looked incredulous that I could bring a computer here. What did they expect? That all my messages would be delivered by hand, with pen and ink? Or perhaps carrier pigeon? They promise that they can make it more secure, given time. However, for the moment, I am in search of software that will do the same.

I can only pray my people are still working. I can do little for them here, as of yet. But patience, they say, is a virtue. I can only hope that I can have enough.

By the pricking of my thumbs...

2004-07-16T19:01:00.000-07:00

I called Virginia this evening and told her about Melody joining me in our search for TOBI. She was so happy to hear that, but also sad about Marcus and her. She, like me, was hoping that all of this chaos might bring the two of them closer rather than farther apart...but even Virginia reminded me that absence makes the heart grow fonder. I hope so for both of them. I know I certainly miss my Virginia, but hopefully once all this mess dies down, she'll fly up for the weekend and we can catch up on some stargazing.

Oh, and someone asked me the other day about the titles for my posts here...I would think it would be obvious, but I do admire Shakespeare, he always put things so eloquently. So, I found this interesting site that has some of his quotes and when I put in the general feeling or idea that I have as a keyword, out pops quotes dealing with that word. Let's see if anyone can guess what was on my mind for this one ...

Let every eye negotiate for itself...

2004-07-15T20:28:00.000-07:00

I know it's been a while since I've spoken. I must say that I'm still a bit in shock regarding the recent events in Amboy. Yes, I'm still here, and yes, I plan to stay for a while, but I'm just not sure what to think.

Why would Junior feel the need to do what he did? What can bring a person to a place such as that? We have good people dying needlessly every day and to have someone take their own life, it just seems so...wrong. I think we need more committment in life, more relationships, more love. For my part, I've tried to be supportive of everyone's views. I know Marcus is under a lot of stress, but since he seems to be isolating himself, I'll do my best from a distance. Melody is in a whole different ballgame. She is hurt and confused and somewhat vulnerable. Everytime I've seen her this week I've wanted to throw my arms around her and tell her that everything will be ok and that she should hang in there. She is such a nice girl and I hate to see her still so upset. At a time when she could really use Marcus' support, he's pulling away from her...hopefully he'll come to his senses. I can only hope that time will heal that wound...

And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way....

2004-06-28T20:10:00.000-07:00

Angry, Hurt, Disappointed. I don't know what to say. They say they are loyal, but do they even know what they are loyal to? They don't even know him. How can they even decide on TOBI's fate when they haven't seen what he can do? Even Marcus makes the decision blindly. With all my heart I love the boy, but he is no programmer. He wouldn't know TOBI's capabilities if TOBI were able to walk up and smack him over the head. From his reaction, I would guess that there is no way for me to convince him. He's made up his mind and he'll follow through to whatever end he regards as best. He always has been stubborn like that. If only Jude or Marty one would have survived. They would have been able to convince him.

I can't believe how much finger pointing is going on. Someone actually accused me today of killing the boys. I can't believe that people would do that. How can they even think that? Uninformed decisions, assumptions...that is not the world that I'm from. Rather presumptuous...wretched....and downright hurtful. I hope none of these people ever talk to Virginia....it would break her heart.

I'm leaving Wednesday night to return to Amboy. I hope to find something that Marty left behind as a clue. He was such a prankster that he might've left us something unintentionally even. I hope so and I also hope that Ms. Heller will be willing to help. She seems at least to have an open mind about what TOBI can do, and haven't I always said, that's all that it takes.

To be or not to be...

2004-06-21T18:34:00.000-07:00

He knows not what he is asking for. Can he possibly realize the potential that he would be destroying? My boy, if you are reading this...please, contact me. We must discuss the future. Like a child, he is learning and needs a safe environment to do so...won't you help him? I pray that you will reconsider the options, and know that I will help you in whatever way I can, but destruction is not the answer. Both Jude and Marty are gone and yet part of them lives on...we can't lose that nor can we lose you. You know where to find me...

Perhaps that sweet reporter can help. I think I'll get in touch with her...maybe not today, but soon.

So wise so young, they say...

2004-06-19T16:48:00.000-07:00

The funeral was touching. After arriving back in OR, I was asked to be a pallbearer. I was reluctant to leave Virginia's side for even a moment, but she insisted that I honor Jude's memory. I couldn't bear to think of Jude being gone, hell, I still can't bear to think it. Whoever did this awful thing...whoever decided it was their right or duty or whatever to take away a life such as his...what is this world coming to? A bright light has been extinguished and yet, there are so many that don't even realize.

Marty's memorial service was quite peaceful. I had held onto hope that Marty would miraculously show up somewhere alive. It would be just his style to scare us to death and then show up laughing at us all. Instead, Melody was heartbroken to tell me the news after his memorial service that his body had been found.

That girl is really something, and how she can be a reporter is beyond me. All the reporters that I've known until now have been certifiable jerks; they claim they have to be to get the inside scoop. Melody though seems to be different; her vigor and charm, I'm sure, helps her to get whatever scoop she might be interested in.

When shall we three meet again...

2004-06-14T18:18:00.000-07:00

My poor dear boys. I cannot describe the feelings of tremendous grief that I am encountering. Yet, I must be strong for Virginia as her tender heart is breaking and I do not have the cure. Are we safe? Do I even dare to wonder if Marcus is and will be safe? If nothing else, I hope that the new employees will keep any information about his whereabouts safe. Perhaps together we can all protect him.

What light through yonder window...

2004-06-13T13:00:00.000-07:00

How relaxed can a body be? I really hadn't realized how tense I was until I returned home and was able to tune in to myself and Virginia. She has been so good to me and we've been working around the house together which has been such a relief. Just being around her can change one's demeanor. Now if only I could get my mind back to Phoenix as well.

TOBI is an amazing discovery. The boys told me how great he had become but I think that even they still have no idea of his depth. Jude shared some thoughts with me over the phone yesterday about how it seems that TOBI is just as anxious to be ready for launch as we are. It's so strange to be talking about "him" like he's a person, but when people put as much into a project as the boys have, it's difficult not to see parts of them in it. I hope everything goes smoothly with launch and that Jude can make a trip out to Phoenix to visit with Virginia and I...I know she misses him dearly.

Friends, Romans, Countrymen...

2004-06-05T07:52:00.000-07:00

Thank goodness I will finally have a couple hours rest today. I'm exhausted and exhilarated at the same time. Marty and Jude seem to have everything under control now and I can finally relax, but I just can't seem to settle down. There is something strange going on with TOBI, and everyone seems to be aware of it, although none of the boys want to talk about it. I do hope they're careful...

Enough - I've decided that it's time to get back to my darling Virginia, I've missed her so. I wonder if she'll have some of those delicious sugar cookies ready when I get there...